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Why, Ralph?  WHY???

It’s like everyone’s in on the joke but him…

My college roommate used to constantly have to remind me of the dubious nature of making archenemies out of inanimate objects (ie, Chevy Suburbans, strollers, Capri pants, and the Ionic Breeze).  The Grapple may actually deserve it, though.  What, too good for regular , naturally-occurring apples?  Want to enjoy the flavor of grapes without the inconvenience of…um…buying grapes?

Madness, I tell you.

“God is my co-pilot and the Virgin Mary is my hot stewardess.  DING!  More nuts, Mary!” ~ American Dad

I pretty much agree with everything in this article.  In fact, I almost could’ve written it word for word.  I’d change the music clips, though.

“For Valentine’s Day, the tradition is we give each other those big red hearts filled with the gamble chocolate.  Have you ever eaten any of that stuff with any confidence?  You’re like, ‘Well, this could either be really good or totally nasty….Awwww, I got the one filled with toothpaste!’  Then there’s the tiny heart-shaped antacids.  It’s like, ‘I know I make you nauseous.  Here’s a Tums with “Hug Me” written on it.  Maybe that’ll help.’ ” ~ Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale

Part of me really, really wants to know what’s going on here.  Another part of me really, really doesn’t.

“She’s not everyone’s cup of tea,” my mentor said to me about the woman I was hoping would soon be my new boss. I was going in for an interview with her the next day. “In some circles she’s known as ‘the ice queen.’ Don’t let it put you off.”

With those comments in the back of my mind, I went to the interview at least as curious about this woman as I was excited about the job. I didn’t get ‘ice queen’ from her that day in the interview, but in the years that followed, I would begin to understand some of the basis for that unfortunate moniker. A lot of it came from understanding more about what her role entailed. In our organization, she was not just “the boss,” “the decider”; she was the public face, the person whose name was immediately associated with every success and failure. She was the person who had been charged with taking a small group’s dream and making it real and sustainable, and had spent every day (very nearly literally) of the last few years doing whatever she had to to keep the whole thing from collapsing. And she’d been remarkably successful. (more…)

“The cultivation of…fighting skills still counts as unfeminine.” ~ Martha McCaughey, Real Knockouts: The Physical Feminism of Women’s Self-Defense.

“Women athletes sometimes overemphasize their femininity….Sociologists call this the ‘feminine apologetic’: the idea that we have to make female athletes appealing to men in order for them to be acceptable….[I]t isn’t uncommon for an athlete to don high heels as soon as she wins the competition, to ‘prove’ that she is still feminine, still in all important respects a woman.” ~ Jennifer Lawler, PUNCH! Why Women Participate in Violent Sports

“The Black Book, a resource directory for martial artists and martial arts instructors, routinely profiles female martial artists in its pages. Women interested in being profiled are required to submit a photo of themselves in a bikini. Obviously, such ridiculous requirements will end when women stop sending in pictures of themselves in bikinis.” ~ Jennifer Lawler, PUNCH! Why Women Participate in Violent Sports

“A major martial arts equipment company recently introduced a new line of pink sparring gear for girls. The advertising blurb describes pink as the reigning color of ‘girl power.’ This campaign reflects a deeper trend among women and girls to try to embrace what is considered to be feminine and translate it into something powerful.” ~ Jennifer Lawler, Training Women in the Martial Arts

“Men [who] aren’t involved in any kind of boxing or martial arts, they tend to humor you. Like, ‘Oh, how cute, she can punch.’ The ones in martial arts or boxing, they just see you as a comrade: ‘You box? Oh cool.’ ” ~ Martha McCaughey, Real Knockouts: The Physical Feminism of Women’s Self-Defense

“If participating in contact sports challenges our ideas of what is feminine—women punch each other, punch men, and are still women, can still be wives and mothers—then their participation must challenge what masculinity is. And what is masculine is as fragile as what is feminine.” ~ Jennifer Lawler, PUNCH! Why Women Participate in Violent Sports

“I’ve come to believe that there is a fundamental difference in the way women fight versus the way men fight, and it is about our sexuality. Battle is the antithesis of female sexuality, whereas male sexuality is fused to it.” ~ Kate Sekules, The Boxer’s Heart: Lessons From the Ring

[side note: Change the word fight to compose music and you have what is one of Susan McClary’s main arguments in her essay Sexual Politics in Classical Music, which I first read for a musicology course at conservatory. I wasn’t sure I bought it then, and I’m still not sure. But it’s an interesting read nonetheless.]

“A sports bra is not a piece of lingerie. A woman practicing the martial arts is not a sexual object.” ~ Jennifer Lawler, Martial Arts for Women: A Practical Guide

“We [female martial artists] have been competing against men from day one. I’ve never felt awkward about it. There are some men who kick hard, and I’m wary of them. However, this is the same with some women.” ~ Carol Stambaugh in a letter to Jennifer Lawler, October 2000

“[Some] men, overly concerned with the fact that you are a woman, attempt to encourage or compliment you by saying you are as good as a man….Usually I say ‘Thanks,’ but I’ve occasionally been provoked to respond, ‘And you’re as quick as a woman.’ ” ~ Jennifer Lawler, Martial Arts for Women: A Practical Guide

This amuses me.

“Mr. Obama does surprisingly well among evangelical Christians, an important constituency in swing states. For example, Relevant magazine, which caters to young evangelicals, asked its readers: ‘Who would Jesus vote for?’ Mr. Obama was the winner and came out 27 percentage points ahead of Mrs. Clinton.” ~ NY Times, 2.7.08